1/5/21

Happily Ever Before

New Years Resolutions danced in my brain. I reviewed all the standard NYR’s: quit smoking, lose weight, get fit and meditate. I was stunned, amazed and astonished that I had accomplished ALL of them all. Let me hasten to add this is years in the making. I am now happily ever beforing. A Heritage friend once told me, the more you try, the more likely you will succeed. Change will more likely occur the more you attempt whatever it is you are attempting.

I quit smoking three times. It took three physical aides the last time to do it, lots of Nicorette gum was chewed. I gained the weight quitting mind you but now feel like I never have. But as they say third times a charm. Resoluteness was to be exterior. I joined things, groups, that would support my efforts, they and I were all over the place and here in a lengthy tale.

The most recent attempt of weigh loss was support by a lady who glowed at me and handed me measuring cups while we met for coffee at a local tourist attraction. Looking back I believed her luminosity and hung on. I had baked for 17 years every morning. Selling the bed and breakfast facilitated a great deal towards being Princess Irresistible. Genetics have never been my friend either. Big bones, great teeth….I had NO interior willpower, no real belief in myself thus I dragged my poor old now ex-roommate with me to a weight loss group. I lost 47 pounds and she lost 7. I genuinely appreciated her accompaniment on this journey

I started at boot camp many years ago. This was done in reaction, a fearful reaction I must say, to having 3 friends have the diagnoses of ovarian cancer. Honestly I thought it was a sign from God,dess saying I had to be tested. My GP, sane woman that she was asked if I had any symptoms. None. That lead me to shift into higher gear to get my sugars down and get fit. I marked this occasion with another friend at a local rink, I went skating and had to hold on to the boards all the way round……….

Boot camp was advertised in the spring saying it was FUN! Do not believe them. OFF I went. Fat, almost ex smoker, with anxiousness being my favorite emotional state. I was measured on my ability to hold a plank. I was proud of the 18 seconds or was it 14? I could not run a ¼ around the lake, some guy pushed me up the hill. Eventually we did 1,345 lunges on a rainy day around the lake as we counted each and everyone, raced picnic tables, ribbed and cajoled each other. There were times when I had to help myself off the toilet I was so sore. I will not quit staying well because I do not want to have to begin again. Yet I did start out again several times on several different fronts.

My mind sees something shinny and wanders off. I time travel a lot. You know how hours smear into days smudge into weeks, months, years. A way to see that I had done something (anything!) for a length of time, I came up with the concept of GOLD STARS. It worked for me in elementary school. It makes a person stop and put a comma in the day, on the effort. Plus I needed something concrete to tell me “Well done, old thing.” Lately the gold stars were for the herculean 30 day contests of guided meditation challenges. Lying on the floor on a green towel all to calm my monkey brain with a machine gun. Support this time came from and with cousin in Edmonton. 30 being the magical number it being said to create a habit.

Then the pandemic hit and we all went online……I needed my own equipment. I had to say I resisted…..thinking the end was near, sold out or we would soon return to whence we came. But we are now in and out of stages of this pandemic like an accordion. In my little abode now is a gym underneath the bookcase. Weights, mat, rubber towels and everything. I was encouraged by my trainer (in Germany who trains hockey teams for the love of Mary) to get my own………ball. You know the ones you can sit on. Well I bought it, it takes up most of the living room (on sale!). Being supported again.

There has been a dizzying amount of zigzagging and zinging in my life, towards being strong but always vaguely going in a direction I often forgot. I was told recently I was “an inspiration. Not only was I fit for my age, I was fit for any age.” That I have to say was nice to hear. In truth I like being able to eat like an athlete. I surrounded myself with people who wanted to succeed and it working.