Jan 23, 2017.
I slept around. My readers draw near to the screen in anticipation of denials of my wild weekend away. Wild it was. Details below, read on. Let me remind you, no good deed goes unpunished. Where to start? Ending up, in between, several times on the floor, with the pillows off a very short sofa and dogs. Five them dogs and almost as many pillows.
Four dog, tiny things whose barking is sharp and tangible, worse than their bites supposedly, all combined do not add up to the combined weight of her majesty the fifth,or IV in Latin. Let me repeat, no good exploit goes censured. I was asked to dog sit and I did. OFF they hurried for a late Christmas party and sojourn at a motel across the bridge. Thus it began. Here inn lies the tail. All was well, mostly, until bed time.
Lucy does not do stairs. Jessie does not sleep alone, Daisy disappeared. I went got a blanket off the bed upstairs. I could only sleep on it tucked up, like a corpse in the trunk of a car, with the bonus, one of the dogs, her name was Cashew, a peanut of a thing, tucked into my knees. Lucy beside me on the floor. The third dog, who did bite if you picked up his arthritic body the wrong way, on the ottoman way up in the air, in his bed like the prince of Persia. It did not last long.
My neck was at a 90 degree angle and that was the was kickoff for the night it seems. If I tried to and could not turn over, I would twist my head off. PLUS, I would have to disturb one of the dogs. Alas, also making it difficult was the huge amounts of flannel, the material my nightgown was made of, trapped beneath me. Then time came, I had to, I stood up.
My feet hit the ground, in more ways than one. My next station in life, terra firma. Pulled the pillows off of the short sofa. (it would sit only three in a pinch.) My head was not on a 90 degrees this time. No this time it was on a pillow that was of a decorative. It being hard like a stone. My nightgown, again, bunched around my ample hips, therefore I could not turn over again. I was not heaving, pulling or cursing as I was doing a favour and did not want to predispose my karma.
The sofa pillows soon”split” while I lay there, trying as hard as I could to sleep. I looked like, a not so well dressed palliates instructor in the dark. The oldest of the little dogs, the little prince, snored like a chain saw, perched beside my ear while on the sofa and then above while on the floor. He was oblivious to anything or anyone, as he is profoundly deaf. Lucy slumbered nearby on the floor. As she could not follow me up the stairs they being steep and un-carpeted, and when it was and it became apparent she was asleep, I stole way left her with the prince of peace, the snoring away down below. What is that old saying about sleeping dogs?
Upstairs I went, traveling with two more little dogs who jumped into bed with me, now if only I get a man to do the same. A bed, that I was all strenuousness assured had been washed in laundry detergent, banned in my childhood home, with a lovely chemical fragrance of flowers. Once again, assured that the fragrance was dissipated as the bed had been washed in September.
The pillow was softer than the one left behind. The blanket lumped beside me. In my confusedness and disarray, was of the opinion it was a little dog, the gray one, thus I did not want to turn over, impossible again. Discovering only later, that the little beast had gone with her sister to another room.
I was also let me tell you in great detail, very unsuccessful hunting for light switches all night. Spending most of the night stumbling around in the dark. I was also completely in the dark, as is my natural state, my long time readers would add, about the time. I had forgotten to plug in my phone, it too dead to the world. Every sentient being but moi it seemed was.
Since the cleaning of the carpets episode, several diatribes ago, Miss L now goes out very quickly. Lucy of course, gave a startling signal. Indicating that bodily functions were about to happen imminently, ( now several times a night as we wait for the slippery elm, probotics and minerals to kick in) She may or may not go, as the backyard as there are light switches to illuminate the green spaces. I could not see. She also “rests” outside at night, sniffing scents she will not doo during the day. Most mornings by the way, I cannot get her to go out, and have to dress to escort her down our back stairs, but I digress.
An attempt was made and I tried, really I did, to return to the scented sheets. Miss L would not stand for it. She stood at the bottom of the stairs emitted sounds that traveled up my spine and thus, levitated me downward. I went up, only to come back down with the blanket that was that was not a dog, to rest. She was comfortable on the floor, I was not. She went swiftly back to sleep. I had laid beside her, again, a combo of pillows,the sofa decoration pillows, and a soft one to put over my head to soften the snoring. I had left the sofa pillows on the floor. I could not find the light switches, nor the energy, to anything else and with the thought, in the light could clean up in the morning. Jessie, prince of Persian pups, slept on. In the meantime there were house dissonances. The furnace, two types, oil and electrical, came on, turned off. in stereo. No matter where I went in the house. Joined in chorus as well, the water tank, the fridge, and possibly a ghost or two. I was starting to see things I think.
At a time of day it seemed that one was to get up, I will say 8 o’clock. I threw everyone out. Howling and baying at the neighbors, on a Sunday morning. The four little dogs whose weight do not add up to one Lucy dog. I spent most of the time, doing my good deed, looking for Daisy, Cashew, Jessie, and the little gray dog whose name I forget now, being a woman of a certain age. Lucy thinks she is a small dog. Feeding time at the zoo, each got a little 1/4 cup of food in their respective bowls. Lucy could not finish hers as they eat so fast. UP hers came. Jessie has as many vitamins as Lucy as well as half a banana.
I watched TV many hours of my life spent that I will never get back. The night was spent watching detective series that figuring out the culprit before they program started. Many of you could, I am sure. It took a degree in engineering to figure out the three remotes.
While not wanting to do so, I have to admit to eating ‘the bribe” of homemade sweets. I did not get my sticker that day. The morning episodes were “Saying Yes to the Dress” some of the prices were more than my mortgage. I have not watched the show, in years.There were repeats, I remember, probably the only thing in years, I have remembered with clarity,come to think of it, it as the bride wore black. Time marched on and I covered in a 24 hour period, all the food groups. Another bribe of bacon, eggs, homemade bread and jam. Salt, fat, sugar, did I miss anything? The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. Robert Frost Mis Lucy, Cashew, Jessie, Daisy, the gray oneGracie and MOI