March 05, 2017
I have aged out of underwire. I never was of the persuasion it would come to this, but here it is. How did this happen my dear and Divine readers ask. “Lets start at the very beginning a very good place to start.” as Maria Von Trapp once sang.
I am allergic to my environment and that too, is worsening with my rapidly approaching geezerhood. And I forget. Now I have wanting to forget about inconsequential things like how to run and bed and breakfast for a long time, that I can’t seem to shake. I allergic to having had officially causation doctor approved testing. Proving in-fact that I am allergic to Canis familiaris, felines, angiospermous trees and particulate matter small indefinite quantity, in short, my environment. Dust, cats, dogs and maples.
Unofficially, I am also hypersensitive to fragrance. Any form. Natural, chemical, or a combination of all. There is scent in everything now. Soap and shampoo come to mind, I use them with a great deal of sparsity or alternatively. I learned the hard way, not to use, bath products, talcum powder, bath splash which was a popular item in my youth. Having received a package of a name brand product containing all of the above for a present. I used all of them liberally, I was driven back into the shower in mere minutes. A shower with cold water for a second time. I also keep track just for fun, creams and was trying desperately of late to get rid of the deep crevices which have appeared on my face. I bragged recently to a nephew, that I was using a hypoallergenic baby diaper cream for my face. It even seemed to work even.
Then there is the matter of “better living with chemistry.” Of consequence is when you add fabrics man made, nylon or rayon. Then I seem to heat up and change states. Pink and healthy to crimson red, with bumps, with a catchy cough if pressed. Now you would think, and I don’t really put much effort into that any more either, I would think back to cotton blouses and knee socks in elementary school. No some details are regulated to the pasts. Back in that day chemistry of clothing did not exist, nor did plastic bags, but I digress. Nowadays it is impossible as living better includes plastic cheese. (LOVE grilled sandwich with cheese bread.)
Let us talk about the bio degradable cleaning products used very extensively in the house, not recently mind you as I am in a slump, All container have either unpronounceable chemicals or somehow purple tops, indicating the fragrance you want the house to smell like for days. Clean has not a smell btw. And fyi. While cleaning carpets the baking soda when added to hot water in the machine, came away smelling distinctive like bleach, another chemical not allowed close to my heart or skin. Toothpaste, all minty is now on the no fly list.
Could not resist ON SALE $2,50 a jug. There were plenty of jugs in the basement of detergent that is exceptionable but did I remember? That would be a no. I got greedy, as this jug holding enough to wash the entire bed and breakfast summers laundry. Bonus, was scented, like a blasphemous sea Lilly. What was I thinking. I cannot use inexpensive laundry detergent, ever. Once again, old age won.
Back I go in time, I went to the doctor, for an annual check up. All clean I had purchased and used deodorant, men’s industrial extra strength preventative chemical brew. I can’ t use it either for a variety of reasons, some of which are listed here. My face blew up, red red and my blood pressure climbed out of the coma state it is usually in. I discarded that notion. I switched to talc powder, thinking that would work, no.
Combining all the above, dog, maples, scents, clothing, and creams, in an effort to stay young and clean. I now neon red rash from head to my waist. The straw, the camel and the story that goes with it is as follows. The undergarments I was wearing, for my lady parts is made out of rayon. I took it off, and there was a perfect impression of where it used to be in oh so attractive red cutaneous sensation. It would make a pole dancer blush. So to capture the girls, it is time to retire the wire, and go au natural, with cotton, which has something my sisters are allergic to, to at least to get them to my waist. I think we’re getting to the point where everyone’s getting fat and everyone’s getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can’t walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps. Adam Carolla Moi and Miss L